Keeping tidy has always been an aspiration. One of the downsides of this mild, but I hope, healthy obsession is that on the whole I can find things when I need to but certainly when they go astray mostly they are lost forever.
In recent weeks, my bookshelves have been undergoing some attention. Being sensible about those volume which Very probably will never be picked up again together with half and eye the fact that it is unlikely that I will retire into a home big enough to house my 50 year obsession!
I have got to know the staff at Oxfam and another couple of charity shops quite well over the years. It’s very satisfying to drop off a carrier bag in the hope that I might be contributing to a good cause. Alas, the space is created by a commitment to tidiness, is often counteracted by further purchases! Some people never learn.
This morning on my way into College I dropped off a carrier bag of books which had been sitting in the hallway for too long. It was happily combined with a visit to the market and especially some bread from Hendersons. On the top of the pile of books was the novel by Julian Barnes’ The Sense of an Ending.
I thought about keeping it simply because I had enjoyed it so much and oddly have read it twice. It’s one of those short novels that is easy to read in one sitting. I think it won the Booker Prize in 2011. I thought nothing more about this until I got home this afternoon and resisting the temptation to open my emails looked at Netflix and its staggering range of offerings.
And there it was -I ‘m sure by accident – a 2017 film adaptation of the novel. I settled down and was not disappointed however I have a sneaking feeling that this was a film that I had seen before, but my Saturday afternoon memory wasn’t quite up to that level of recollection. The cast included Jim Broadbent, Charlotte Rambling and Harriet Walker.
Tony Webster tells his life story or at least the life story he thought was his own.
He goes to school. His three friends including the intelligent Adrian Finn. University follows and Tony meet Veronica and then they drift apart. then they head their separate ways and begin drifting apart. Love, heartbreak, a search for meaning, tragedy, marriage and divorce all form part of the making and unmaking of their lives.
Tony then finishes university, gets married and has a child, gets divorced and retires, and that’s really as much as we get. It’s a stark reminder that life isn’t always as exciting and eventful as others suggest ! Most of life here as we see and feel it is routine and just a little bit boring – a bit of pleasure, a lot of disappointment and a huge amount of emptiness. The distraction to all this is some wonderful photography of central and the North London suburb of London.
History and people are brought into focus when Tony receives information that he has been given a little money and two documents through the will of a certain Mrs Ford – Veronica’s mother. Many questions remain hovering – what is in the diary; what have we waiting to know. Tony both remembers and forgets his story. There is pain and regret. There is loneliness and anger and confusion. Tony messes up his attempts to understand and reconnect. Memory is not always reliable.
Tony reminds us that we all tell all kinds of stories about ourselves. Tony expresses the dilemma in this way:
‘“History is that certainty produced at the point where the imperfections of memory meet the inadequacies of documentation.”’
Old certainties are let go of and Tony ( like us) have to face the complexities of our lives and especially the way we live with our disspointments. Perhaps some of us long to write a new history ? How often do we adjust, embellish, make sly cuts? As live longer our world diminishes and there may be fewer people around to challenge us. What do you keep in your diary ? What is your story ?
I wonder how far religion helps to some to terms with the truth of ourselves ? And who should we be asking forgiveness from? What remains unfinished business ? Who will help us age well? What are the things that are both around and within us that might need resolving ?
Let me share Tonys closing monologue as he fixes cameras in his small shop
” how often do we tell our own life story ? How often do we adjust embellish makes light cuts the longer life goes on? There are fewer people around to tell us our life is not a life but just a story we’ve told about our lives ! It is story about our lives told not to others but mainly to ourselves “
A good way to spend Saturday afternoon. But my memory – I think I have seen this film before but …… my memory !
PostedJuly 18, 2022
Many thanks for this thoughtful, and thought-provoking piece. I too think I may have seen the film but I must now read the book.